You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
