Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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