Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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