I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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