For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
