The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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