Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
