i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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