And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
