I want to walk on stilts...naked
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
