Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Green mimosas i think yes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
