Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
