Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
