i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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