1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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