i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize