3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
