i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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