Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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