I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
