I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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