so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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