it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
