It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
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I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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