Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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