I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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