You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
