its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
