shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
