Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
