Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
