it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just found a bag of teeth...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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