I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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