who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
