Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
