I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
