would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
