Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
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My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
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I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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