OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
