to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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