My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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