There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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