I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
