apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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