before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
