i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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