I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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