I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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