i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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