This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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