I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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