FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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