I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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