i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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