oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
