So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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