I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
