just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
