do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Im part way to drunk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
