dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
