Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
