he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We got so high we made milksteak
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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