I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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