im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
