ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
