Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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