Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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