I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
