don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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