The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
