I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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