I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
