Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
