I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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