the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
