clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
