hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
