I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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