There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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