do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
